Last night I spent the night with the guy i've been "dating". It's not exclusive, we aren't in a relationship, he's not my boyfriend. I refer to him as my "manfriend", as this is the first time i've ever just let it be whatever and not been too concerned about calling it a relationship. I enjoy every moment I spend with him, he's a gentleman, he's funny, he's sexy, he absolutely drives me nuts. I've known him for a couple of months now and it just feels like things are getting less and less awkward for me, having never done this kind of thing before. And it's gotten less awkward, because the time i've spent with him has gotten even better. The conversation, the sex. I feel closer to him, which I suppose is just unavoidable when you spend time with someone.
He works long hours, he works Monday-Friday. So if I see him, it's on the weekend and usually never more than every other weekend. So most of the time if i've spent the night, he has to get up at 10, shower, and then he goes to the gym and then from the gym he goes to work. So that means I get woken up and then leave when he leaves for the gym. It's not like he's kicking me out. It's not the "We just had sex, now get the hell out of here" thing. There was one morning in the first month we were seeing each other that he let me sleep in, he took his shower, did some stuff around his apartment and then he came and woke me up and made me pancakes. And then after that he had to leave, so I had to leave.
This weekend he'd told me he would probably be too busy to hang out. I had texted to see if he wanted to do dinner and see the new Guillermo Del Toro flick. I told him "No big deal. Maybe next weekend." Last night I sent him a text, just wondering how his weekend was working out since he'd said he'd been neglecting some jobs he needed to do. He said it was good and he was thinking of watching a movie. I asked what he was gonna watch and it ended up leading to me rushing through a shower and racing to his apartment to watch a DVD. We watched Anacondas: Hunt For The Blood Orchid, got our freak on, and then popped in another movie while we laid in bed, his arm around me and my fingers laced with his. I had a horrible time trying to fall asleep, I probably only got about three hours, if that. He got up at about noon, I stayed in bed. I could hear him washing dishes, messing around in the kitchen. Eventually he came back in, climbed on top of me and informed me that he had made me breakfast in bed. He set the pillows up against the wall and called it my "throne". Haha. He went back to the kitchen and returned with his own feast and we sat on the bed eating our pancakes and eggs and drinking our orange juice. All I could think about was how amazing my "non-boyfriend" treated me, and how lucky I was to be treated in such a manner. After we ate, I watched him do his random apartment chores. We changed the sheets, he folded his laundry. I was surprised he was letting me stay so late into the day. I ended up back on the bed and he said he was going to take a shower, a minute later he came back in, crawled atop me again and started kissing me. Once satisfied, he was ready for his shower and he invited me along. This was the first time he'd allowed me to shower with him. The first time I had stayed the night I had told him he should join me in the shower and he shot me down. So naturally, I was thrilled.
It was a fantastic time, and the first time I left him without feeling like something was left undone somehow. I've never left on a bad note with him, never left angry/upset/sad...But still felt an awkwardness or like I should have stolen one more kiss, said one more thing.
When it comes down to it, whether it ends up being something more than what it is or if it eventually ends, I am sure i'll be okay. He's of course someone I could see playing a bigger role in my life, he's just a great MAN, but I have also just drilled it into my brain that I can't let it phase me if it never evolves. No matter what, he's a good guy and he always will be, mine or not. I am lucky to have come across him.